My boyfriend took another girl to the ferris wheel where we had our first kiss. I made sure he remembered me everywhere. Colin brought Ashley to the exact spot where he’d asked me to be his girlfriend two years ago, posting pictures of them sharing cotton candy in the same gondola where we’d carved our initials. When I confronted him, he said I was overreacting, that the ferris wheel was a public attraction and Ashley was new to town.
He told me I didn’t own the ferris wheel and my jealousy was making me controlling. Ashley was wearing the same red sundress I’d worn on our first date. She’d gotten the same caramel apple we always shared. Her caption read, “My wonderful date knew exactly what I’d like.
” Colin claimed these were all coincidences. That’s when I decided Colin needed to learn that our special places would haunt him forever. I started by taking his brother Luke to the ferris wheel the next weekend. Luke had always had a crush on me and was thrilled to be my revenge date, especially when I wore Colin’s favorite outfit and recreated every photo Colin had taken with Ashley, but better.
We rode the ferris wheel five times, kissing at the top where Colin could see us from his apartment window. The operator asked if Colin and I had gotten back together. I loudly said no—this was his much better-looking brother. Next, I took Colin’s best friend, Gareth, to the restaurant where Colin had taken Ashley.
Gareth had no idea he was part of revenge, but thought I was interested in him. We sat at the exact table Colin had reserved, and I made sure the waiter who knew us told Colin about seeing me with another man at our spot. I ordered everything Colin and I used to share, but enjoyed it more with Gareth, who actually had interesting conversation instead of constantly checking his phone like Colin always did. The real satisfaction came during the pier’s annual festival, where Colin brought Ashley again, thinking I wouldn’t be there.
But I’d organized a group date with six of Colin’s friends who all thought he’d been horrible for taking another girl to our place. We rode the ferris wheel as a group, and each guy took turns taking photos with me in the spots Colin had claimed weren’t romantic. Ashley watched her special, unique experience become a group joke. Colin tried to explain to Ashley that the pier wasn’t that special, but she’d already seen his Instagram history full of posts about our sacred spot.
She realized he deliberately recreated our relationship with her and dumped him on the spot for being a creep who couldn’t move on. Three days after the festival, someone knocked on my apartment door around 10 at night. I opened it to find Luke standing there in sweatpants and a hoodie, looking like he hadn’t slept much. His eyes were red and tired, and he didn’t smile when he saw me.
He asked if he could come in, and I stepped aside because I couldn’t think of a good reason to say no. Luke walked straight to my couch and sat down heavily, staring at his hands for a minute before looking up at me. He asked if anything between us had been real or if I’d just used him to hurt Colin. The question hit me harder than I expected because I’d been avoiding thinking about it.
I could see actual pain in his eyes, not just anger, and my stomach twisted with guilt I wasn’t ready to feel. I tried to explain that it started as revenge but got more complicated along the way, which was possibly the worst answer I could have given. Luke’s face changed from hurt to angry in seconds. He stood up and told me I was just like Colin, using people without caring about their feelings.
He headed for the door and I followed him, trying to find words that would make it better. But everything I thought of sounded hollow and fake. Luke left before I could figure out how to respond to being compared to Colin, which honestly hit way too close to home. The door closed and I stood there in my empty apartment feeling worse than I had after the whole ferris wheel thing.
The next morning, Gareth texted asking if we could meet for coffee because he needed to understand what actually happened at the festival. I agreed even though I really didn’t want to have this conversation again. We met at the coffee shop near campus. Gareth showed up exactly on time, looking tired but not angry, which somehow made me feel worse.
He ordered a black coffee and I got my usual latte and we sat down at a table by the window. Gareth didn’t yell or accuse me of anything. He just looked disappointed and said he’d thought we were genuinely hanging out as friends. He told me he felt stupid for not realizing he was part of a revenge plot, and the way he said it made me want to sink through the floor.
I tried to apologize, but it came out weak and useless. Gareth finished his coffee quickly and said he needed some time to think about whether we could still be friends. He left and I sat there with my latte getting cold. That night, I couldn’t sleep at all.
I lay in bed replaying Luke’s words about being just like Colin over and over until they didn’t even sound like words anymore. The revenge had felt so justified when I was planning it, so righteous and deserved. Colin had hurt me by taking Ashley to our place. So I hurt him back by making him watch me with his brother and friends.
It made perfect sense at the time, but now I was seeing all these other people I’d hurt who didn’t deserve to be collateral damage in my war with my ex. Luke had real feelings that I’d ignored because they were convenient for my plan. Gareth thought he was hanging out with a friend, not being used as a prop in someone else’s drama. Two days later, Ashley messaged me on Instagram.
The notification made my stomach drop because I figured she was going to tell me off for using her humiliation as part of my revenge. Instead, she asked if we could talk in person. I agreed to meet her at a neutral coffee shop downtown. Ashley showed up wearing jeans and a sweater, looking normal and not like someone about to start a fight.
She sat down across from me and said something I wasn’t expecting. She told me she wasn’t mad at me for the revenge because Colin deserved it. What she wished was that I’d warned her she was dating someone who wasn’t over his ex. Talking with Ashley turned out to be therapeutic in a way I didn’t expect.
We were both women who’d been manipulated by Colin in different ways, and that created this strange bond between us. She pulled out her phone and showed me messages where Colin had been lovebombing her with phrases that made my skin crawl. They were the exact same things he’d said to me during our first month of dating, word for word, in some cases. Seeing our experiences laid out side by side like that was both validating and disturbing.
It proved I wasn’t crazy for thinking Colin had deliberately recreated our relationship with her, but it also showed how calculated he’d been about the whole thing. She asked if he’d ever told me I was different from other girls, and I laughed because of course he had. We spent an hour comparing notes on Colin’s patterns, and by the end, I felt less alone, but also more angry at him for being so predictable and gross about it. A week after meeting Ashley, the pier manager called my cell phone.
I almost didn’t answer because I’d been avoiding anything related to the ferris wheel since the festival, but he left a voicemail saying Lavender wanted to talk to me when I was ready. I waited a few more days before finally driving to the pier on a quiet Tuesday afternoon when I knew it wouldn’t be crowded. I walked down the boardwalk slowly, passing the game booths and food stands that were closed on weekdays. The ferris wheel stood at the end of the pier, turning slowly with only a couple of gondolas occupied.
Lavender was in her usual spot at the controls, and she waved when she saw me coming. Lavender didn’t lecture me or make me feel bad, which I’d been expecting. She just gestured for me to sit on the bench next to her control booth and kept operating the wheel while we talked. She told me she’d been running this ferris wheel for 15 years and had seen more relationship drama than anyone should have to witness.
Couples proposing, couples breaking up, people cheating, people making up after cheating. She said revenge might feel good temporarily, but it never actually heals the hurt that caused it. I watched the wheel turn and thought about how right she was. I still felt just as betrayed by Colin as I had before the festival.
Maybe even more so after seeing those messages Ashley showed me. All the revenge had done was spread the hurt around to other people who didn’t deserve it. Lavender asked if I felt better now that Colin and Ashley had broken up. And I had to admit I didn’t.
I felt worse because now Luke was hurt and Gareth was disappointed. And I’d become the kind of person who used people just like Colin did. Colin’s mom, Felicia, called me the following week, which made my heart jump because we’d always gotten along well before everything fell apart. I answered nervously, expecting her to defend Colin or tell me to leave her family alone.
Instead, she started by apologizing for how Colin had treated me. She said she’d raised him better than that and was disappointed in his choices. Then she told me Colin had been really struggling since everything fell apart at the festival. He’d apparently locked himself in his apartment for days and wasn’t responding to his family’s calls or texts.
Felicia’s voice got worried when she talked about it, and I felt this complicated mix of satisfaction and concern. Part of me was glad Colin was suffering consequences, but another part didn’t actually want him to be seriously hurt or doing something dangerous. I asked Felicia if Colin was okay, trying to keep my voice neutral. She sighed and said he’d finally answered her calls yesterday and agreed to start seeing a therapist.
Apparently, he was dealing with some attachment issues and patterns he developed after his parents’ messy divorce when he was 13. Felicia explained that Colin’s dad had cheated on her with multiple women, and Colin had watched their marriage fall apart over the course of a year. The therapist thought Colin might be recreating that pattern by seeking validation from multiple women because he was scared of being fully committed to one person. Hearing this explained some things about why Colin had done what he did, but it didn’t excuse any of it.
I spent the next few days avoiding everyone’s calls and texts, just staying in my apartment and refreshing social media to see what people were saying about the festival disaster. Someone posted a poll asking if I’d gone too far with the revenge, and 60% said yes, which made me feel worse than I expected. I kept thinking about Luke showing up at my apartment and calling me just like Colin, using people without caring about their feelings. That comparison stuck in my head because I’d spent so long being angry at Colin for exactly that behavior.
And then I’d done the same thing to multiple people who didn’t deserve it. Alistair texted me on Thursday asking if I wanted to grab lunch and actually talk instead of hiding in my apartment. I almost ignored it like I’d been ignoring everyone else. But Alistair had stayed completely neutral through everything, never taking sides or posting about the drama or making me feel judged.
We met at this sandwich place off campus where nobody from our friend group usually went. When he brought the food over, he didn’t immediately start talking about Colin or the festival or any of it. He just asked how my classes were going and if I’d finished that history paper that was due last week. The normalcy of it made something crack inside me.
And suddenly I was crying in the middle of this random sandwich shop. While Alistair handed me napkins and waited for me to calm down enough to talk, I told him everything felt wrong now, like I’d won some battle against Colin, but lost something bigger in the process. Alistair listened without interrupting and then said something that made me stop crying. He pointed out that I was hurt by Colin and responded by hurting other people, which was pretty human, even if it wasn’t great.
He said carrying around this much anger and guilt wasn’t going to work long term, and maybe I should talk to someone professional instead of just stewing in my apartment. The suggestion made me defensive at first because therapy seemed like overkill for a breakup. But Alistair reminded me this wasn’t just about the breakup anymore. It was about how I’d handled it and what that said about who I was becoming.
I made an appointment with the campus counselor the next day, feeling stupid the entire time I was filling out the intake forms. When the counselor called me back, she was younger than I expected and didn’t have that fake concerned expression I’d been dreading. I gave her the basic summary of what happened with Colin and the ferris wheel and the revenge, trying to make it sound less petty than it felt. She asked questions that made me actually think instead of just defending my choices.
Why did Colin taking Ashley to the ferris wheel feel like such a betrayal beyond just him being with another girl? What did I think the revenge would accomplish? How did I feel now that it was over? Talking to someone completely neutral helped me realize the revenge wasn’t really about Colin at all.
It was about feeling powerless after he’d spent weeks gaslighting me about my own feelings and perceptions, telling me I was crazy for thinking the ferris wheel meant anything. The counselor helped me see that Colin’s betrayal had made me feel like I couldn’t trust my own judgment anymore. He’d told me so many times that I was overreacting or being controlling or reading too much into things that I’d started doubting myself. The revenge was about reclaiming power and proving I wasn’t wrong about what the ferris wheel meant to our relationship.
But I’d reclaimed that power by doing to other people what Colin had done to me. She asked what I wanted to do about that now, and I admitted I didn’t know. Apologizing felt inadequate after deliberately manipulating people’s feelings, but doing nothing felt worse. She suggested I start by being honest with Luke and Gareth about what I’d done and why.
Not expecting them to forgive me, but taking actual responsibility instead of making excuses. I spent that weekend writing apology letters to Luke and Gareth on actual paper because texts felt too casual for what I needed to say. I didn’t make excuses about being hurt by Colin or try to justify using them for revenge. I just explained what I’d done and why it was wrong and that I was sorry for treating them like props in my drama instead of people with their own feelings.
Writing it all out made me realize how calculated the whole thing had been. How I’d specifically chosen Luke because I knew he had feelings for me and would be easy to manipulate. How I’d picked Gareth because he was Colin’s best friend and would cause maximum damage. I mailed the letters on Monday morning before I could talk myself out of it and then spent the next week checking my phone constantly for responses that didn’t come.
Gareth finally texted back after 5 days saying he appreciated the honesty and maybe we could grab coffee again sometime when things were less weird. Luke didn’t respond at all, and I tried not to let that feel like rejection, even though it absolutely did. Two months went by where I focused on classes and avoided the pier entirely. I deleted Instagram off my phone so I’d stop checking what Colin was posting.
Alistair and I started having regular lunch meetups where we talked about normal things like upcoming exams and whether the campus food was getting worse. I went to three more counseling sessions and talked about patterns I’d developed in relationships and why I’d felt like revenge was my only option. The counselor pointed out that I’d given Colin way too much power over my sense of self-worth, which is why his betrayal had felt so devastating. She suggested I work on building an identity separate from my relationships.
I was getting coffee at our old Sunday morning place when I saw Colin standing in line ahead of me. My first instinct was to leave, but he’d already seen me, and it would be obvious I was running away. We did that awkward thing where we both acknowledged each other, but didn’t know whether to actually talk or just exchange polite nods. Finally, Colin asked if I wanted to sit down for a few minutes, and I agreed, even though my heart was racing.
We found a table in the corner and spent the first 5 minutes making uncomfortable small talk about classes and the weather. Then Colin took a breath and said he owed me an apology for how he’d handled everything with Ashley. He admitted he’d panicked when I confronted him because he knew what he’d done was wrong, but didn’t want to face it. He’d told himself it wasn’t a big deal to show Ashley around town, but he’d deliberately taken her to places that were special to us because some part of him wanted to recreate what we’d had.
I listened without interrupting and then told him I was sorry, too, for using his brother and friends as revenge tools. I explained that I’d been so hurt and angry that I’d wanted him to feel the same way, but all I’d done was hurt people who didn’t deserve it. We talked for over an hour about everything that had gone wrong between us. Not just the ferris wheel incident, but all the ways our relationship had become unhealthy long before that.
Colin told me he’d been in therapy working on his attachment issues and patterns he’d developed after his parents’ divorce. I told him about my counseling sessions and realizing I’d given him too much control over how I felt about myself. Neither of us suggested getting back together, and we both agreed that was the right choice. Having an honest conversation without anger or revenge plotting felt like actual closure in a way all my elaborate schemes never had.
Colin mentioned he hoped I could forgive him eventually, and I realized I was already starting to because holding on to all that anger had been absolutely exhausting. Three months after I’d mailed the apology letters, Luke finally responded with a text saying he’d needed time to process everything, but he appreciated my honesty. He wasn’t ready to be friends yet, but he didn’t hate me, which felt like way more grace than I deserved. Reading his message made me determined to actually be better about respecting people’s feelings instead of just apologizing after I’d already hurt them.
I texted back thanking him for responding and telling him I understood if he never wanted to talk to me again. He didn’t reply to that, but at least the conversation had ended on something other than him walking out of my apartment calling me just like Colin. I decided to go back to the ferris wheel on a Saturday afternoon when the pier would be busy but not packed. I bought a ticket from the operator who didn’t recognize me without Colin next to me.
The gondola swung gently as it lifted me up above the boardwalk and I could see the whole pier stretching out below. For once, I wasn’t thinking about Colin or revenge or who I’d brought here to prove some point. I was just sitting in this gondola watching the ocean and remembering why I’d loved this place before it became a battleground. The ferris wheel reached the top and paused there like it always did, giving riders a chance to take in the view.
I looked out at the water and the beach and the town spreading inland and felt something shift inside me. This place didn’t have to be about Colin or our relationship or what he’d done wrong. It could just be somewhere I enjoyed without tying it to all that drama. I realized sitting there at the top of the ferris wheel that winning against Colin wasn’t actually about making him hurt the way he hurt me.
The whole revenge thing felt good for maybe 5 minutes before I started feeling guilty about Luke and Gareth and everyone else I dragged into my mess. Colin was wrong for what he did with Ashley, but I became someone just as bad by using people as props in my revenge story. The ocean stretches out below me and I can see the whole pier and the beach and the town. And none of it belongs to Colin anymore because I’m taking it back for myself instead of for revenge.
I’m still working on forgiving him and forgiving myself for how ugly everything got between us. The ferris wheel starts moving again and carries me back down toward the boardwalk where real life is waiting. I don’t have everything figured out and probably won’t for a while, but at least I’m not that person anymore who thought hurting someone back would make the original hurt go away.
That’s something.
